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The Educated

The Educated is a blog ran by B.Y.E that showcases work from black freelance writers and artist.

When Do yOU sAY i love You?

3/4/2023

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By: Kemar Anglin
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      I dedicated an I love you after a possession by the spirits of Valentine’s day. The season is adorably inspiring, I could not pass it up. Before the season I have been thinking about whether or not I am actually in love. The questions came up of: When to say I Love you? When do you know your right? How do you know the feeling? Prior to my queering, I aimed to embody the beauty in a traditional love story. Most of these stories represent straight couples, living picturesque lives, sometimes going through trials and tribulations but still finding their way back to each other in the end. These characters sometimes knew that it was love at first sight. There is little context just passion. There is marriage, a baby, and a happy ever after. That makes a good story, but the transpiration of love in my reality has been everything but traditional. I am beginning to realize abiding by different culture's relationship milestones leaves me feeling confused. 
    Although it may feel like it, there is no right or wrong in the act of love. We (people), especially I,  sometimes like explanations. An analysis of why we choose to love, the chemicals that it releases and how it can be controlled. Sometimes I wish loving another person could be as easy as loving my favorite food, frankly even that is complex. What if it is made differently or what if my taste grows….would it still be to my liking? 
    Living in the fear of something changing, doing something wrong, moving to fast, rejection or hurting the other person, hurts love. Fear leaves it battered, bruised, and ignored. Diminishing many potential relationships that I could have if I decide just to open up. This creates an argument against fighting the comfort and intimacy that another person can bring, even if it may not last forever. Why not embrace? When you feel it why not say I love you?


    The man I wrote that I love to, I have known for a while. We notoriously have flirted with each other on and off and there is not much likelihood of us ever being an exclusive thing. There has been downs, heartache, and disappointment that I have felt with him that trump me feeling comfortable enough for commitment. Alongside my lack of knowing exactly what I want out of life, I do not care to pursue anything. Despite me knowing all this and perpetuating our distance, I still feel love for him. It is the strangest feeling. I know what some might be thinking “I am situated”, I’ll admit I am pro-situationship. Love does not equate to a partnership and sometimes a situationship is needed. On the other hand, I would not consider our relationship that. I consider him a friend. I like him. He’s cute and makes me laugh. I want him in my life, but I don’t want the pressures of a partnership in hopes of better days.
     He has been the longest-standing romantic relationship in my life, committed or not, that is my milestone. I don’t believe in a forever we and I don’t want to convince myself of that possibility. I’d like to believe that I can’t comprehend how I can have love for someone who I felt wronged and invalidated me, but in actuality I can. 
    We learn how to love through our environments, identities, and the experiences that each of us have. Love was shaped differently within my Jamaican and Queer environments than the Western norm. I did not grow up with two parents traditionally in love. There were not much words of affirmations but a call to action. My parents were opposites, while being strong and resilient both in their unique lights. My queer influences have opened me up to their dating challenges, introducing me to the realities of my newly opened identity. They are not the ideal that society has constructed, but I learned to love others and love myself through their words of wisdom. I learned that love is a journey and is not perfection. I learned I don’t need the prince, protector, or the one to make me whole, instead look for myself. If that is the case, what do I lose by loving those who aim to truly understand me and who I aim to truly understand.          
    Free love is something that I don’t usually do. I like to be realistic, the realism is that all of us perform a mating call. My mating call might be considered the chase, understanding the choice of the prize, I like to think of it as the flow, understanding the length of time. Sometimes love can feel too good to be true, too bad to be false and everywhere in between, making it so confusing. When it feels bad, I am consumed with a fear of judgement and loss. Next the question becomes when do I say goodbye, but love isn’t a singular emotion but a grouping of many. I feel like these emotions can change as I change and I am not sure in what direction my change will go. Will I be monogamous, open, or poly or single? These answers come with time. They are deeply personal and subjective with no allowance for a universal answer, only introspection. Whatever I decide will be for me.
    My growth is understanding every relationship brings something different. My mind has opened through my relationships; I have become self-aware of an entirely different world that I have not lived. I have become more patient, more loving, and more communicative. I’ve learned about myself. It is enlightening at best and stressful at worst. I love the time we spend together. I love the way I learn about myself through our conversations.  We don’t love in ways I aim to love my partner but I love him.
—So I wrote him I love you.
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Where are Our Gay Bell Hooks’?

11/27/2022

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Written by Kemar

Dating in my 20s is not the Sex and the City romance that I have recently come to romanticize. It is hard, anxiety-inducing, sad, and, at moments when a random hookup turns into an unlocked sexual fantasy or new situation-ship cuddle buddy, amazing. I am nearing the end of my induction to the 20s club. An exclusive affair where only the liveliest are allowed to enter. Weekends are spent partying with friends and getting to know myself sexually with strangers. The weekdays are spent playing catch-up and trying to integrate the highlights of the weekend. Every day consists of trying to solve the mystery of who I am and what I want. 
    Despite what multitudes of social media platforms are telling me, I can’t help but piece together what exactly I see for my love life. Marriage? Single? Poly? I feel like the search for love is not a norm for the young gay man. It isn’t current to be on a quest for love in the early 20s. In aspects I stand with the noncommittal 20-year-olds, I think it radiates heavy pick-me behavior shaping your fresh years of independence around a partner when there is so much more to life and many others to meet. The formative 20s are especially important for us Queer people. Most of us have been inauthentic our entire lives up until this point, shapeshifting our way through straight and/or white spaces looking for a place where we belong. Searching for a place where we are loved, where it is given and received effortlessly. On the other hand, I don't trust that it will all fall into place without some initiative. Figuring out, What is love? The never-ending (sometimes avoided) question with the always changing answer. Do our relationships always consist of love? I have only had one relationship and I am hesitant to count it, but I have learned even the toxic ones have love.
    I am a talker, unabashedly, I can talk and talk and talk and I like to learn from the people I am surrounded by. Most of us pick up our ideas of love from the people around us. There is no right or wrong answer to what love is. Respectfully I cannot begin to imagine a lifelong partnership. It is scary to imagine myself with one person for 50 years as much as it is intoxicating. What if I get bored? What if one dick and ass is just not enough? What if I was wrong? And the question I am scared of most is, What if I get hurt? Can I argue that my generation has it worst with relationships? Or is it a cultural shift to something better? 
    Where are our Gay Bell Hooks’? Did we lose you to the epidemic? The love guru that will unlock the door to how men coexist with each other. Not a bromance, but an actual romance that transcends the current ideas of love. Does love surpass our man-made gender constructs? 
    Social media allows us to see what works for so many different relationships and gain perspective but it is almost impossible to differentiate what is actually working unless you are an apprentice of Sigmund Freud. I cannot see inside these relationships. I only see happy faces and cute photos. An ideal couple who are unimaginably beautiful and confident. I want this. I used to be ashamed to admit it, but I do. The right partner, the right time, the right love. Someone who just fits. How do I know when it’s right?
​    Most things I read say when I am at peace with myself and my partner. A partnership where we can express our genuine selves and emotions. A place where I don't have to prove that I am lovable but in fact I was born that way. It can be hard to feel loved in a culture that sometimes feels like your capital is based on your marketability. Big dick? Gimme some of that. U looking? Always. Fat? No. Positive? Stay away. Femme? Masc only pooky. Online dating is often a massacre waiting to happen: constant ghosting, the noncommittal grinders and jackees, and the lack of actually knowing the vibe. 

    Can we even socialize as a people anymore? Do we take risks on people we would not meet in our everyday circle? Or are we programmed to date based on social grouping and aesthetics? Is marriage outdated? Where is the direct communication? Has it gotten up and exited this era or are we just all lost queers in our 20s and our 20s expulsion will breed improvement? Is it love or is it lust? Am I too young to know?
    To all my young gay men looking for love, you are never to young in your 20s, unless you are trying to run for presidency. I believe we can trust our hearts. Patience is the answer to our love intruder. 


            Time will tell.
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The Reconstruction of Gendered Spaces

2/19/2022

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Clifford Prince King
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Clifford Prince King

By: Kemar Anglin

                   At 20, I find myself thinking about where I am going to be when I am 30. Will I have kids? Will I be married? Will I be loving what I am doing through and through? Will I be happy? Will I find love? I have always had finding love as one of my life goals. Finding a partner that I can share my life with long term. Someone who will always be there for me and me for them, who I will share my most intimate moments with, and grow with. I know I have so much time to focus on these things and should just revel in my youth while I can, but I argue that luxury is not easy for queer people. I have felt like it is something unattainable for some people in the queer community because of the stigmatization we face and the queerphobic thought patterns that also plague our communities, especially within underrepresented members. There is no blueprint for our futures, that is applicable to everyone despite our gender and sexual differences, but white, cisgender and heterosexual people have an idea of all the things their lives can become. They have more representation of the multitudes of identities, traits, and futures they can encompass, which are more positive than not.

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Artist Spotlight: Ellyana Gomez

1/8/2021

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   Ellyana Gomez is currently an undergraduate student at the University of Pittsburgh School of Social Work. She has developed her love of poetry since she was a child, starting with exploring Maya Angelou poems with her father. She has been published in several anthologies including Poetry Quarterly and was recently awarded the “Best in School” award at the Carnegie Mellon Martin Luther King Jr Day Writing Awards. In the future, she hopes to do work in food justice, sustainability, and economics. 

  Wyntr is written for my beautiful baby sister. I hope that she may continue to grow into a smart, beautiful, and ambitious person. Church explores spirituality and feeling connected to God outside of structured religion through even the most menial happenings in our everyday lives.

Wyntr

By: Ellyana Gomez
My biggest wish is that 
​
You see your worth 
Is more than your beauty 

I hope you recognize 
The rivers that have bled 
Nile to Mississippi 
To give you the strength and roots
To make the world better 


I hope you realize 
The beauty in your brown eyes
And never wish for a different color 


I hope you can understand 
That you are the most precious
The world has to offer 


When you are sad, shine 
When you are happy, sparkle Illuminate the rooms 
And lives that you walk in 

I hope that you will find 
That you have everything you need
To get everything you want
And dream
 

Baby I hope you dream 
And shine always 
And doubt never 
But if you are ever unsure 
Of what you are worth and made for
 

Just remember 
You have stardust in your skin
And sunshine in your smile
Night and day 

May you shine as all stars do
Dream baby,please


Church

By: Ellyana Gomez
Church is not always on sundays 
With a choir And a tambourine 
With older ladies falling out and running 

Some days it’s a slight breeze when you 
Were adjusting to the beads of sweat popping up on your warm skin Or it’s a road trip with a view of mountains 
Covered with trees- peaches, apples, cherries 
Just seem to roll endlessly 
Until they kiss the sky 

Some days it’s sitting comfy in your bed 
Feet nuzzled under a fleece blanket 
Tracing a raindrop down the window with your eyes 
As it snakes down to join its brothers 

Some days it’s sharing a warm meal 
Served on grandmas old china 
(But it’s your other grandma’s recipe) 
And we sit and laugh and enjoy 

Then it’s church 

When you see all the little things that blow your way 
And you recognize the ways you are taken care of 
When you admire the way God has sculpted the Earth and filled it with so many wonderful things 
When you can sit and be still 
Calmly existing, self aware and content 
When you think mid-laugh how lucky you are to 
Be a part of such a big loving family 
That you can lean on and thrive with and laugh with 

Then it’s church 
The sudden awareness that this life 
And all the most glorious things 
Are blessings and made just for you
​
The feeling comes if you be still 
I know church doesn’t always come on Sundays Because church is a feeling to me


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Black Artist Matter!!!

7/20/2020

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Nicholas Anglin| July 20, 2020| 12:00 p.m
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Meet Tell Hardy, a 21 year-old upcoming photographer from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I had the opportunity to ask him some questions pertaining to his work, himself, and how essentially supporting black artist intertwines with the Black Lives Matter Movement. Art is important, it records and showcases history. Ignoring or whitewashing black artistry, which is done often in America, aids in the silencing of black voices. A recent study done in 2019 shows "that 85% of artists [in museums] are white and 87% are men" and not much has changed since then. We should not leave black artistry to be showcased in only black history museums. Minority artist are often ignore or stereotyped, as we can see by  the "Oscars so white", and how the only time black women are seen in big roles is if they are playing common stereotypes, such as  the "Tragic Mulatto", the "Mammy" and the "Jezebel".  It is important that we as a society amplify black artist voices and works and this starts at home. Lets meet and support Tell Hardy!!!!
  1. In a few words, describe yourself.                                                                                                                                                 I would say...calm, cool, and collective. I'm genuinely a very nice person and that's one reason I believe a lot of people respect and love me. I was raised in the hill district and was very active as a kid. As in active I mean like going to summer camps, playing sports and just doing kid things lol. I loved drawing and coloring when I was younger. I don't know where any inspiration came from at the time but...I just loved doing it!
  2. Tell us about your Podcast, Long time, what made you want to start it?  So, last year around Thanksgiving I binged a lot of podcasts for some odd reason. Each one of them related to something different in my life, but none had everything in one. So I had this idea of making a podcast where I was able to talk about anything that came to mind. Fastforwarding to this year, one night I got drunk and decided to just make the intro episode to the podcast. Released it the next day and surprisingly people were actually fucking with it! So from there I recorded the first episode with my friend WaveBeast (local artist), which many people loved as we talked about photography, haters, and just chatting it up. That's really the main goal of this podcast. I just want to have honest conversations with artists and give them a chance to talk about things or even feelings they never get to express. 
  3. College experience, what made you drop out? College college college. Definitely a love and hate relationship. Many people don't know, but going into college my freshman year I went in on a film scholarship. Loved filmmaking and still do! Met great friends and even professors who I still keep in contact with. But tbh college just wasn't “It” for me. I was stressed and doing things I didn't want to, such as going to other classes I had no care for. Going on to sophomore year, I switched my major to photography. It felt more like “Me.” First day of class we had to submit a picture of our works to the professor to be displayed on the projector and introduce ourselves to the class. Keep in mind that I'm in an Intro to Photography class. So many students there were learning for the first time. It was my turn to speak as my image came on the projector and the class just got quiet and loved it. Skipping to the end of the semester, my photography professor really loved my work and I told him I don't think I can waste my next 3 years here in college. He was very supportive in my decision and that's what really motivated me to drop out. But long story short I learned many things from my college experience. I would never tell anyone to not go to college, but I will say don't let family and friends force you to make an important decision about your life. Take your time kid, college will always be there.
  4. ​Photography….How’d you start? Beginning of my freshman year of Allderdice...yeah. The PS4 had just dropped! Me and my friend Maliek who went to City High, had decided to make Youtube videos. We would record ourselves role playing on Grand Theft Auto. We made these hood tales. Short little movies where we would reenact what happened in the hood...but on the game. So that's how I learned editing and storytelling. From there I bought my first camera because I wanted to actually start doing videos in real life instead of the video game. Throughout my highschool years I was shooting music videos and taking pictures. When my senior year came to an ending, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life...kinda.
  5. What’s the hardest thing that you’ve had to deal with as a black artist?​ Me personally, I don't deal with much. Shit happens in life. A Lot of it is small, like people hating. But that's always going to be the case anywhere. But one thing I came across this year was people not booking me as much because I raised my pricing. I didn’t want to deal with cheaper clients, I wanted to deal with people that were willing to spend money and weren't rushing me every second to finish a project. Yes I get fewer bookings. But when I do get a booking I'm satisfied. I don't know what it is about being a  black artist, but it's like people expect you to lower your prices because you're friends with them. But hey...that's life i guess.
  6. The biggest stigma of pursuing art as a career, especially within the black community? To  keep it short and simple, it's our parents. They didn't grow up just wanting to be artists because there wasn't that much money in it. But now we have so many resources on the internet. People are getting paid off instagram posts...that's still wild to me. I'm going to say this as a black man who is pursuing a career in the arts. Be any artist you want. Teach your parents. Show them what you're working on, I promise it will make things easier. That's why I came up with the saying “My parents won't understand my art career until I'm successful.”
  7. What’s the work(s) your most proud of?
Hmmm. That's a hard one. It changed everyday to be honest. Some days I don't even like my work. But lately I have been loving my portrait of Jay, my muse and best friend. She hates it because she thinks she looks mean, but I told her that's emotion. That's what makes an image, tells a story...you know?
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     8. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? With everything going on in the world right now, I don't really know. I know for sure I want to move to Atlanta next year to expand my art works. But right now things are tricky with this pandemic going on. I am working on a solo exhibition for next year! Im very excited about that. It will be my first solo show, so I'm taking this time in quarantine to research and learn a lot.
    9. Why is supporting black artists a huge factor in furthering the Black Lives Matter Movement? It's our time! Sadly it took this long for people to realize. The world is changing. I'm very proud of the Black Young and Educated movement you all started. To be coming out of highschool, your minds are amazing. Keep that shit up! CHANGE is all I want at this time, and I know others do too. 
  1. A Quote
“It's up to you to take yourself to the next chapter in your life”



How to support Tell Hardy!!!!

Cashapp: $TellHardy
Venmo: @tellhardy
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